Monthly Archives: December 2017

And that’s makes me see myself soo alone yet the truth is i am not.

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Saya sadar kalau semakin saya bertambah umurnya semakin saya kesulitan untuk membagi kehidupan pribadi saya, memberitahu orang terdekat  apa yang terjadi di hidup saya tanpa di tanya terlebih dahulu adalah hal yang sulit, ada titik di mana saya membutuhkan teman untuk berbagi tapi ketika teman tersebut memberikan waktunya saya memilih untuk “let these alien feeling simmer down” dan menceritakan mereka nanti, walaupun secara sadar saya sangat ingin memberitahunya kalau semuanya baik-baik saja dan dia tidak perlu khawatir, lupakan apa yang saya katakan sebelumnya.

I know this is not a good thing, but after everything i read and watched to motivate myself, it still hard for just unconsciously open up, i have an abandoned issue since my childhood and I have not recovered from it. This issue fuck me up on my  teenager age, i am better now, stronger, but just because i hold myself to tight. Try doing anything alone if i can. As a feeling/emotional person it hard.

It hard because human need another human to feel more human (for comfort) and here i am make effort to not need another human. I promise i will trying, at least pouring how i feel or whatever coming on my mind, i already had this journal that i bring every time i visited some place so when i feel overwhelm i will write it.

 

 

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A blur Life

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Today i am 24 y.o, there is this picture taken by my dear friend, perfectly capture how i see my future.

Hasil fotonya blur tapi saya masih bisa melihat dengan jelas apa yang saya lakukan saat foto itu ter-capture. Fotonya menggambarkan saya sedang minum segelas teh ocha (saya masih ingat moment itu), sushi di depan saya dan beberapa pelayan yang tanpa sengaja ikut terfoto di belakang saya. The vibe in this photo i love it, i felt chill/santai, like i got this. Despite everything life throws me i enjoyed the result how i survive.

Idk kalau ini masuk kategori a good or a bad things, I know what i am going to do for the next couple of years (maybe 3 years max) but idk why Ainun exist in this world, what the reason of it?? This picture remind me too that i had a “time limited” even tho i know what i am going to do in this moment, it’s still a plan (the blur in this photo makes me realize it), God the one who know am i still exist to achieve all of it.

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